By now, you’ve probably heard the crazy news that the New York City health department has published an official guide to shooting heroin. The 70,000 flyers cost taxpayers $32,000. As you might expect, this has caused a little bit of an uproar.
I’m probably in the minority here, but it’s my opinion that there can never be enough inappropriate government-sanctioned brochures.
With that in mind, here are ten suggestions for follow-up pamphlets that I strongly urge the sensible honchos running New York City to consider publishing.
—How to Binge Drink on Bleecker Street
—How to Stab Someone on the Subway
—How to Feed the Pigeons
—How to Get That Unwashed Look Favored By Countless Williamsburg Hipsters
—How to Urinate in Public
—How to Defecate in Public
—How to Be Totally Obnoxious in a Crowded Movie Theater
—How to Fail to Put on Your Blinker When Making a Right Turn
—How to Hire a High-Priced Call Girl (For Elected Officials Only)
—How to Acquire Scabies
Am I missing any? Feel free to leave your ideas in the comments section.