Our last conversation with musician Jonathan Coulton proved two things: 1) He has no clue about what’s on television these days and 2) his ideas for what should be on television are far more interesting than anything that has ever been broadcast.
The provocative results of that discussion about Fall TV convinced us that Coulton should be our go-to expert on any subject that he has limited knowledge of. Given that none of his infectious songs touch on sports, we suspected that another such topic would be the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, starting this week. And we were right again!
“I have never cared about college basketball,” says Coulton proudly, almost defiantly, by phone from his Brooklyn apartment, a few days after returning from a tour opening for They Might Be Giants. “Frankly, I don’t even understand precisely what March Madness is.”
In our mind, this bold declaration — along with another mind-boggling claim: “I have never filled out a March Madness bracket” — makes him the perfect person to help us fill out our March Madness bracket.
After all, even the boss’s daughter won the office pool that one year, and studies have shown that picking well may be entirely arbitrary anyway. With a little luck, Coulton might provide every bit as much insight as the next guy — or at least an eight-year-old girl.
“But,” wonders Coulton, “don’t you have to make your picks with some sort of plan?”
We’re about to find out. Only time will tell how Coulton — whose latest opus, Best. Concert. Ever., culls from his shockingly frequent live shows — fares as a one-day sports pundit. But we’re never going to bet against a guy who pals around with John Hodgman and who will be performing live in New York City twice during Final Four weekend.
Read on for Coulton’s take on all 32 first-round matchups (his picks are marked in red) and click here to see a PDF of his unconventional, upset-heavy bracket.
UPDATE: We’ve entered Coulton’s bracket in The Awl‘s NCAA Men’s College Basketball giveaway under the name JoCo and the Spiders FTW. As this pool is open to the public, we highly recommend you enter — the winner gets two Jock Jams CDs!