Planet’s Own Brand

Not sure if this is viral or what, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while, so I’ll post it. (Courtesy of Holy Taco.) I can’t believe this aired on national television.

I’m about to embark on a three-week trip to the midwest to hunker down with some work (and to see the Wedding Present in Chicago tonight and the Boston Spaceships in Ann Arbor on Friday). Not exactly sure how regular my internet access will be (is regularity why fiber is in fiber optics?), but I’ll try to post from time to time — at the very least to tell you how many pizza subs I’ve ordered from J.T.’s Pizza Depot.

The top three most annoying little things that I have to deal with on a regular basis:

3. Deciding when to take a shower. Now, I love taking showers, and I do so daily. But as a freelancer working from home, the time of day at which I take that shower varies depending on a variety of factors mostly relating to whether or not and when I might be required to venture outside. So determining the right time to shower can be tricky: shower too early and you might ruin the awesomeness of setting your own pace while everyone else is in wearing pleated pants at the office; shower too late and you could find yourself constantly in a rush the rest of the day. ANNOYING.

2. Transcribing interviews. Listening to an awkward interview with Michael Cera once, while you’re actually talking to him? Painful. Listening to it twice, with constant rewinding to get it all down right? Stick a pencil RIGHT IN MY EYE!

1. Washing dishes. My apartment, a.k.a. the worst place on earth, does not come equipped with a dishwasher, necessitating the use of manual labor to clean the coffee cups and English muffin plates. Manual labor and I don’t really go well together, a fact I learned about 25 years ago on that one day in my childhood when my parents got tough and gave my brothers and me chores. (They even made up a chart to show how the tasks were to be divvied up! I raked a few leaves and then retired to the couch to play Intellivision Baseball.) Oh, to be a prince, waited on by servants! Or even Ricky Stratton, that coddled rapscallion from Silver Spoons! My point: WASHING DISHES IS FOR SUCKERS.