Just got this one in under the wire. I’m trying to finish up an assignment from GQ, which should be easier to write than it actually has been. All of this reminds me that I should tell you what’s going on in Johnland. And I promise to never use that expression again.

I’m simultaneously juggling the prep work for the research for the writing of my new book project (meaning I haven’t even started yet) while also trying to book some readings for the big March paperback release of Perfect From Now On while also attempting to be a freelance journalist and blogger on a mission of peace, or what might pass for peace if you hailed from, say, Haiti, like my upstairs neighbors. There will definitely be some fun events in March. These will include but will not be limited to two parties — one in New York, one in Minneapolis — with my pals in the GBV tribute band the Textbook Committee; my first-ever library reading and would you believe it’s happening in wacky Kalamazoo, Michigan?; and an appearance at the by-all-accounts excellent reading series Vermin on the Mount in LA on March 16. And just a heads-up that my oral history of the cult comedy Safe Men will appear in the February issue of GQ. I highly recommend that movie. So much so that it will appear on the following list:

My Top Fifteen Cult Comedies (Cult Being Determined Per the Usual Method, Comedy Meaning Actually Funny — And No, Wes Anderson Movies Aren’t Actually Funny, Although They Are Sometimes Fun to Look At)

1. This Is Spinal Tap
2. Office Space
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4. Dazed and Confused
5. Grandma’s Boy
6. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
7. Super Troopers
8. Better Off Dead
9. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
10. Kicking and Screaming (and of course I don’t mean the Will Ferrell movie, which really wasn’t as funny as it should have been)
11. Raising Arizona (most people think this is funnier than I do — but I still think it’s funny)
12. Beerfest
13. Bubba Ho-Tep
14. Idiocracy
15. Safe Men

This list, which would be markedly different if I had any real time to contemplate it, has been brought to you by someone who really wishes he were done with his assignment already and needs to go and make that happen now.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
I missed Times New Viking on Saturday.