This guy makes me itch: Matthew Lesko. He’s that dude who wears a suit with question marks printed on it while shouting in a high-pitched Screech voice about “Free money! To change your life!” on late-night infomercials. I’d rather stick a nail gun to my temple and fire five times than read his book. If I saw him on the street, whether he was wearing the question-mark suit or not, I would kick him right in the gonads.


I noticed a peculiar thing about me this morning: I rarely use bowls.