Okay, it’s Rappin’ Rodney time. Here are some good Rodney Dangerfield jokes.

• I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox; the cat kept covering me up.

• A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over; nobody’s home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

• During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

• One day as I came home early from work ….. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy …. “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

• It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

• I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror. I feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”

• My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

• I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

• My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him …. If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion. He said …. Alright…. you’re ugly too!

• When I was born the doctor took one look at my face … turned me over and said. Look … twins!

• I’m so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!

• I came in from the airport and got into a taxi. I asked the driver if he knew where a guy could go to get a little ‘action.’ He took me to my house.


Mango Fusion Thai, the uncreatively named restaurant I ripped a new navel a few weeks back, is thriving. I counted ten customers in there when I walked past last night. Plus my “friend” Kentucky Jones says he ordered from there recently and enjoyed it greatly. What is wrong with people?