Today is Presidents’ Day, giving me the opportunity to evacuate yet another pop-culture nugget swimming around in my head. Highland Appliances—which was the place to go for all your appliance needs in 1980’s Grand Rapids, Michigan—ran a goofy ad at this time of year depicting George Washington and Benjamin Franklin gabbing on the phone about the big Presidents’ Day sale. (Ben opened with “What’s shaking, Georgie baby?”) The part about this commercial that I absolutely loved was how they ended the call in a proverb battle:

George: Because, as you know, a penny saved is a penny earned.

Ben: And a stitch in time saves nine!

George: A fool and his money are soon parted!

Ben (struggling to come up with something trump-tastic): And, um, never eat spinach with a stranger!

Truer words were never spoken.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

Almost everyone else in this country is getting paid to do nothing today, but not me, Mr. Big-Ass Freelancer. Not fair!