I am a contributor to Crispy Gamer, a site for video-game reviews and news that launched earlier this year and keeps growing and growing like that hair on your mole. Sadly, “contributor” in my case means “one contribution,” and in fact I hold the dubious distinction of being tied for the fewest number of contributed articles, reviews and blog posts among the site’s many writers. My sole contribution? This review of Project Gotham Racing 4 for the Xbox 360.

I’m trying to change the world with my words, one slowly written review of a meaningless game at a time.

My industrious homeslice Scott Jones is at the top of the contribution heap, of course, and many of his reviews and features will knock you back on your butt-tocks from all the laughter they induce (at least in laboratory mice–studies show!). For example, here’s his funny review of the new Wii Fit add-on, which he tests by placing a 12-pack of beer on its sensor pad, and over the course of a few days, witnessing how the system reacts when a few bottles magically disappear.

I wish I was that prolific. But a guy’s got to worry about his fantasy baseball teams sometime.