Holy Jesus! I just got a goddamn fucking $115 parking ticket. What a racket. If you fail to move your car on certain days by 11am, you will likely get cited for obstructing the street cleaners. That ticket is $45. However, if you move your car to the standard double-park position on the other side of the street by 11am but then fail to move your car back to the just-cleaned side of the street by 2pm, you are subject to a $115 double-parking fine. I got out there at 2:21; the ticket was issued at 2:04 by a bastard vulture cop. (Don’t think this city hasn’t perfected the art of screwing well-intentioned by absent-minded writers out of their hard-earned nut. 2:04? Fuck!) Anyone who thinks I’m merely annoyed by this turn of events hasn’t been reading. I want to blow shit up. But mostly myself. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had this happen to me before. As a man, I just have to get my ass out there by 2pm. Set your alarm, douchebag!

$115 would buy: 1) Three dinners for two (with margaritas) at my favorite Mexican joint; 2) 13 six-packs of Brooklyn Lager from the deli across the street; and of course 3) nearly five months of meals for one of Sally Struthers’ kids.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
Ticket!