Snow angels: I don’t do them anymore for two reasons: 1) They involve lying down in the snow, and 2) they require exercise. But for some reason I was thinking about them the other day, and in particular their origin — i.e. who was that very first person to discover that an angel shape is produced when one lies spread-eagle in the snow and flaps one’s arms and legs around? Unfortunately, there’s no telling who the exact person was — and believe me, I’ve looked, and found Wikipedia wanting. But we can guess at this person’s intelligence level. Two possibilities: 1) Some person conjured the basic idea in his head one snowy morning and then set out to prove the theory; 2) a person was lying in the snow and moving spastically, then he stood up, and then he or a friend noticed that his snow impression resembled an angel. Obviously the first person is a genius; the second person merely stumbled across something cool, like when my high-school chum Brad Nagel discovered that the sound his cookie jar made when it opened was fucking hilarious. The best guess, naturally, is that the snow angel sprung from the latter, less interesting way. But how about if we just pretend the origin of the snow angel is a product of genius?

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
I just remembered that I used to know someone named Larry Leete.