News of the day (actually yesterday):

PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla. — Detroit Tigers outfielder Craig Monroe was arrested for allegedly stealing a $29.99 belt from a department store, a records clerk at Charlotte County jail said Tuesday. Monroe wrapped the belt around his waist and tried to leave the store without paying Friday, according to the arrest report. He posted $500 bond and was released from county jail that day. Monroe is scheduled to face arraignment Dec. 15 on a second-degree misdemeanor charge of petit theft.

He hit .293 with 18 home runs and 72 RBI in 128 games for the Tigers last season, when he earned $335,000.

As Henry Rush (a.k.a. Ted Knight) of Too Close for Comfort would say, “Oh, Monroe!” I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: getting caught shoplifting a cheap-ass belt when you make $335,000 a year, or just the fact that you absolutely had to have a belt worth $29.99. My friend MRL posits that Monroe’s new nickname should be Naugahyde. I counter with Pleather. Either way, Craig coveted a shitty belt.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I slept until noon — and I’m still tired.