I’m sure you’ve all heard that Babe Ruth was finally eighty-sixed from Boston last night. It’s the third greatest thing that’s happened in my 30 years of watching Major League Baseball (the first best was the unstoppable Detroit Tigers winning the 1984 World Series, of course, followed by my childhood NL favorite the Philadelphia Phillies winning the 1980 Series). The best thing about the Sox winning is that George Steinbrenner is that much closer to the grave; I’m surprised he hasn’t popped a vessel already. But let us not malign the soon-to-be-dead (hopefully) — the Red Sox have spoken.
On to other, more important topics: They say heaven is a truck that got stuck on the breeze. Ask the driver nicely, “I need a lift; I need release.” Got it?
WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
Florida, Ohio and Iowa: What the heck is wrong with just over half of you people? Are you waiting for Kerry to promise you free ice cream or a shiny new toy?