In lieu of actual thoughts—a dentist drilled those out of my head this morning—here are some quotes from a movie I used to watch with shocking regularity, and which now I’m embarrassed to admit used to be my favorite comedy of all time. Enjoy.

“Who wants to see the triptych?”

“You pass a god damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off for it! This is no way to run a desert!”

“Hey, crack open those sandwiches we got back at the gas station. I’m so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station.”

“And though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you, Lord, c’mon, give her a break.”

“What do I think? I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well, I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun! I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our god damn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!” [Pauses; son puts hand on his shoulder} “Don’t touch!”

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I can’t find my hammer.

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