Well, I’m off for a quick trip to Los Angeles—alternatively known as La-La Land, the City of Angels and the place where I once interviewed Gary Busey while he was devouring a lobster in such a disgusting way that I almost hurled. (FYI: The kook spoke with his mouth full, which caused him to spit lobster juice all over my notebook at least twice, and he’s a close talker, so I got a disturbingly intimate view of the meat dribbling down his chin.) I’ll be out there to hit the Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3 (or, more accurately, The Biggest Geek Fest in the History of Man), but also to sit on my bony, white ass and drink near beer. I earned that one!

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I bought the wrong Dr. Scholl’s shoe pads for my freshly acquired New Balance sneakers. Translation: I won’t be gellin’ like a felon!