I’m going to keep publishing stuff from my 8th-grade English class. This one’s written on the same day as “Inflation,” on September 8, 1983.

COMPUTERS!!!

I have an Apple computer and it is great. Computers are the wave of the future. In a few years, almost everything will run on computers.

[AJS note: How fucking prescient was I?!?]

On my computer I can play games, program, and type. I like playing games on it. In one game I play Dungeons & Dragons. It is called Wizardry.

[AJS note: Programming and typing—not so fun, apparently.]

My five-year-old brother [is better] than I am in some games. My little brother can control a game with 21 controls! I can get high scores in games like Sammy Lightfoot (18,900); Lode Runner (171,000); Hard Hat Mack (12,400); and Super Taxman 2 (69,000).

[AJS note: My little brother, Matt, really was amazing at video games. One night, around the same time that this essay was written, he was playing the fantastical laser-disc hit Dragon’s Lair at Showbiz Pizza and was well on his way to finishing the game, something that takes incredible memorization and reflex skills to do. There was one of those monitors on top of the game cabinet that allowed passers-by to stop and watch the action; a shockingly large crowd gathered behind him. Awed stranger, probably in his late teens: “How old is he?” Me: “Five.” Stranger: “Wow!” Matt ruled.]

My cousin has the same computer as I do. He knows advanced programming. He is working on making a new game called GWEEDO! The name sounds terrible but it will be fun. He has his own computer store and he is only 15 years old. He gave us about ten games free. We also can copy games from a master disk that helps you copy other games; that is against the law but we do it anyway. It isn’t a major crime, though. I now know easy programming, or BASIC. I can make easy programs with BASIC. I love computers.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I’m out of staples. How can you be out of staples?