Please indulge me as I mash the keyboard in anger: ald4sfjkganjd!!! Why haven’t we reached the point in television technology where we can order any single college basketball game for a simple, small fee with the touch of a damn button? I would have paid $10 to see the Michigan State Spartans overtime victory last night, but was thwarted by my cable company’s lack of foresight. I decree that Time Warner shall be bent over a knee and paddled with a palm frond. Not my knee, of course. I don’t do the dirty work.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I just remembered the show Hello, Larry once existed, and that its bizarre, hoped-for catchphrase was “Tie a can to it.” On the crossover episode with Diff’rent Strokes where the Drummonds visited Larry’s family in Portland (Larry worked at a radio station bought by Mr. Drummond, who also happened to be an old Army buddy or something), I distinctly remember Larry saying to Arnold, “Tie a can to it, Arnold.” It ruled. But somehow it also makes me very angry.