I recently polled everyone I know to come up with a definitive list of the best haircuts ever to appear on television. And by “best,” I mean “worst.” I probably should have just written that in the first place.
Also, I didn’t poll anyone. This is completely my own list, and I have undoubtedly left out a few egregious ’dos; please point out any glaring omissions in the comments section. And feel free to call me out for how my hair looked in my appearance on Beat the Geeks.
But first, a few quick notes about the selection process. Unintentionally terrible haircuts are what I’m counting down here, so greatly discounted are the many ugly shags that are the result of actors and producers hoping to create a “look” for particular characters. This is why Mr. Spock and Paulie Walnuts don’t appear on the list, for example. Also, cartoon characters and other non-humans have been limited to the most ridiculous examples and have been inserted here and there mainly as palate cleansers, while characters from The Simpsons have been banned from consideration out of fear that this would turn into a list entirely comprised of terrible Simpsons haircuts. And in general, hair hubris—the phenomenon that occurs whenever people think their locks are stylish yet they are anything but (yes, we’re talking to you, #1)—scores a lot of points.
And we’re off, like a toupee blowing in the wind!
30. John Stamos (Full House)
It’s hard to believe this vomitus of a haircut was a major factor behind Uncle Jesse blossoming into a sex symbol, but hey, it was the late 1980s.