A trip to the supermarket checkout aisle last night revealed that Michael Jackson is on the cover of this month’s Ebony magazine. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but all of mine riff on the dumb idea that there’s no Ivory magazine (unless this counts). Lame. Or what about “Something something shilling for Ivory soap something something”? No? Anyone got a decent joke about this?

Meanwhile, for about two decades now I have been quoting a line from an old Highland Appliances commercial in which Ben Franklin and George Washington talk on the phone about the store’s big Washington’s Birthday sale. I thought I’d never see that ad again, but ladies and gentlemen, behold the true power of YouTube:

I’m heading to Chicago tomorrow in advance of the Robert Pollard show at the Metro on Friday. See you there, unless I don’t.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
Uh, still waiting for the online test for prospective Jeopardy! contestants. I’m all ready to throw down, but there’s nowhere to throw down! (Do people still use the term “throw down”?)