Got me a scanner, and I’ve finally figured out how the sucker works. Which means that, very soon, hopefully in the next week, I’ll be posting PDFs of what I think are my best writing clips over on the website. Happy days for everyone named John Sellers. Well, at least one of them — the one still on a no-beer, no-carb, all-boring-food diet.

In the meantime, please check out the August issue of The Believer, now on newsstands, if you care to read a short article proving that my dad is the world’s worst gift-giver. Here’s a teaser. O, how they tease!

And coming in the next few days: A complete-and-annotated guide to every single bit of publicity that Perfect From Now On has received to date, good and bad. Yes, that includes the infamous, written-by-a-humorless-anonymous-douche New York magazine review!

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
I have come to the realization that monkeys aren’t as funny to me as they used to be. Sad. But luckily I have a new theory: Cats are the new monkeys.