BREAKING NEWS! I just thought of something else that first began to annoy me in 2006 which will likely plague me for the rest of my life. It’ll rank at number eight on the overall list from the other day. IT IS:
Craigslisters who mew about the exorbitant secondary ticket market and tsk-tsk scalpers passive-aggressively. For instance, today’s post on Craigslist:
As a very sincere and longtime fan of Paul Weller–I am interested in purchasing one of your tickets–my offer in dollars and terms to purchase your extra ticket is unique–
Please email me if you are a sincere and real Weller fan and not looking to take advantage of excessive prices & desperate fans who aren’t hedge fund managers (hey, i know we all could use the money–but really–….)
–Thanks for your consideration–
Supply and demand, motherfuckers! Like, if you wanted to go to see Paul Weller performing the hits of the Jam so badly on Jan. 29 at Irving Plaza (wouldn’t we all? well, if tix were going for $75, maybe), you should have bought your damn ticket at the time it went on sale. It seems to me that a “very sincere and longtime fan” would have known exactly when those tickets would be available, and would have made damn sure he got them. Your retroactive harumphing is also directed at those well-meaning fans who bought tickets intending to go but then decided to sell when they saw how much they were going for: a whopping $1,000 a pair on eBay. No Paul Weller concert is worth that much, and I actually applaud those who are trying to make a buck off morons who have that kind of money to blow on something like this. In short, get over it and pony up, or just pout at home. More bluntly: Simmer down now!
That’s not to say I wouldn’t love to go to that 1/29 show. Like, a lot. But my top price is $100. In general, I don’t like to pay more than double the face value of a ticket, but have gone higher on occasion. For what it’s worth, here’s a quick list of what I’d be willing to pay to see various musical concerns:
$2,500 — the “classic lineup” of Guided By Voices playing only songs from their catalog up through Mag Earwhig!, and I might go higher if there was a guarantee they’d play “Why Did You Land?,” “Short On Posters,” and “Expecting Brainchild.”
$2,000 — Marr and Morrissey playing songs by the Smiths, with or without Mike Joyce and Andy Rourke.
$ 650 — My Bloody Valentine playing for at least 90 minutes.
$ 500 — a Replacements reunion show featuring all the surviving members.
$ 450 — a Hüsker Dü reunion show featuring all three members.
$ 425 — Ride.
$ 400 — a Bob Pollard show where I get to devise the set list.
$ 375 — Sonic Youth playing the entire Daydream Nation album at Southpaw, the small club right near my apartment, with an encore of “Schizophrenia,” “Tom Violence,” and “Theresa’s Sound World.”
$ 350 — the fab four from Soundgarden rocking out in a midsize venue.
$ 350 — Van Halen with David Lee Roth playing songs only from the Roth era, with no mention of or appearances by Sammy Hagar.
$ 300 — any Archers of Loaf reunion featuring Eric Bachmann.
$ 300 — a concert by the original lineup of Guns ‘N Roses.
$ 250 — a Pavement reunion show (this price will skyrocket as the years go by, especially if the show includes Gary Young).
Note: These prices are subject to change without warning.
And on a final note, this is the most terrifically awesome thing I’ve seen all year. Okay, we’re just four days in, and I’m not going to buy it, but it’s still awesome.
WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
I have to get a haircut today.