Cleaning my apartment last night I found two items I never knew I had:

1. A Happy Days trading card signed by Henry Winkler. Upon discovering this item — which now is enshrined on my famous bulletin board — I was immediately reminded that my phoner with the Fonz, circa 1999, was among the more pleasant interviews of my career. Only four celebrities have ever given me the impression that you can be famous and be a wonderful person, too. They are: 1) John Ritter (duh), 2) Lauren Graham, 3) Bruce Campbell, and 4) Henry Winkler. He sent me the signed trading card without mentioning that he was going to. Amazing.

2. A canteen. Yes, a canteen. Not sure where I landed this puppy, but its acquistion had nothing to do with the only camping trip I’ve ever taken as an adult. That foray into the wild ended prematurely when my friends and I were awakened by heavy, hungry breathing just outside our tents. We thought it was a bear, of course, but twenty tense minutes spent waiting for the death blow proved our collective panic to be unwarranted. Just so you know, the snorts of a marauding deer at 3am in the pitch black of the middle of nowhere can and will put the fear of Jesus into you. The next night we slept in a motel.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
I haven’t said this enough: The Tigers have the best record in baseball. And it’s August. Speaking of August, it’s hot outside. Like, Karachi hot. What the hell?