Although my favorite shirt is still “Chester A. Arthur Is Totally A. Awesome,” the amiable garment-maker over at Sharp As Toast has released more politically themed T-shirts just in time for spring. (Pay no attention to the fact that on the eastern seaboard it is as cold as Ted Williams’ brain.) I think the one that says “Nix-on, Nix-off,” with an image of Tricky Dick doing the Karate Kid crane pose, will sell like the proverbial hotcakes they serve at IHOP. Anyway, this concludes today’s shill of a message.

I had the extreme misfortune to be flipping past Showtime last night at 9pm, when the series premiere of Fat Actress was beginning. I am a glutton, too, it seems — for punishment. Watching Kirstie Alley, who played the hottest Vulcan ever in 1982’s Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, stuff double hamburgers and cream puffs down her gullet and spew up lines like “I’m getting my own series, and then I’m going to get laid!” made me want to stick my fingers down my throat, ghetto-style, and become an unrepentant bulimic. Okay, so I’ll applaud Alley for making fun of her sizable girth, but one wonders if she’s bending over and offering her humongoid ass up to scrutiny so that she can let someone else pay for the catering bill for a change.