I have decided, upon getting an email from my pal Mazmanian about M&M’s new M-Azing brand, that I need a candy bar named after me. I don’t know what to call it yet, but I do know that I forbid nougat from being an ingredient. Coming up with a name that employs the letters AJS is tough, and certainly much harder than just naming a candy bar “Reggie” or “Junior” and being done with it. I don’t think “The Angry Bar” would properly convey what I’m trying to do here. “John Sellers’ The Angry Bar” is a little closer, but again, it’s just not right, and I’d veto that bullshit. The quest for the perfect candy name reminds me, of course, of my friend David Egner’s joke about Nutrageous candy bars. He tried to guess what the rejected names for the bar were: Nut-so-good? Nut-too-bad? Nutworthy? Nutstanding? Any suggestions from the peanut gallery for the perfect name for the AJS bar?

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY
This.