I just learned that the Goo Goo Dolls will be performing on New Year’s Eve at a casino outside San Diego, California. Worse, bidding for these tickets on eBay is at a fever pitch, going for many, many times the face value. I think I speak for a nation when I say: What the fuck? I can’t understand why anyone would willingly choose to spend their precious New Year’s Eve with a band that is at best a pale, teased-hair ripoff of The Replacements in ladypants and at worst a steaming heap of yak manure. I wouldn’t be infuriated — depressed, sure, but not infuriated — by some chump spending $1,500 on two tickets and a hotel room to see a New Year’s Eve concert by, say, Usher, because those people are the norm, not the exception. But someone blowing their wad to see this buttmunch? Wow.

I should point out that I have elected to spend my New Year’s in Chicago at the very last performance ever given by my favorite band, Guided By Voices. I expect the total tally of expenses to approach $500 for this momentous event — a bargain in every way I’ve looked at it. Of course I’m well aware that there are more than a few people out there in the ether who would think I am as frivolous and stupid as any Goo Goo Dolls-lovin’ moron. But I will address you people thusly: Go have one of your American, um, hot, uh, dogs, and have fun watching Dick Clark drop his big ball.


My left ear is completely clogged up. I can’t shake it!