Okay, 2004. God damn it! 200-fucking-4. [Trying] What’s up, ’04! Are you in my hizzy? My hizzouse? [Defiant] Does anybody have any idea what the hell I’m talking about? News flash, you motherfuckers—the book that is “2004” is subtitled “The Year of AJS.” To quote my favorite show about a bionic dude: “He’ll be better than he was before: better, faster, stronger.” End quote, homes. In other words, you can no longer resist my raw, sweaty man-power. ‘Fess up: You have no idea what to do with the info I’m feeding you today. You’re masticating, but tasting nothing. You’re eating air. But you’ll get it soon. Estimated date of knowledge arrival: February 29, 2004, a.k.a. leap day. Beware.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

I ate a slice of a damn mango.

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