Okay, now that I’m alone (though, let’s be honest, I was anyway), I’ll begin this silly monologue thusly: What is Angry John Sellers? It displeases me to have to answer my own questions, but he is a 6’0″ curly-headed cussbag of a human, 33 and hating it, and ready to bring the pain to the virtual arena. Visually, think of Bruce Banner just before his final transformation into the Incredible Hulk, with that agonized face looking like he’s trying to squirt out a kid with a coconut-sized head. That’s where I’m coming from, only I swear a lot. To my knowledge Bruce Banner never said a curse word to anyone, and gosh bless that gamma-ray-infused freak for it. Just don’t make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

My shocking inability to find a proper winter coat.