More proof that unintentional humor is the best kind: I was flipping very quickly through an issue of Men’s Fitness—a bile-inducing publication that is mailed to me even though I’ve never subscribed—and reached the back page, where I was excited to see an image of an insanely hot, though fairly plastic, woman in a state of undress. But a wistful minute later, the subpar magazine was on its way to the recycling bin. In transit, I noticed a tiny slip of paper on the floor, and bent down to retreive it. To my surprise and amusement, it wasn’t a sliver of paper at all but a sticker, and I was required to peel it off the floor. Now it was stuck to my thumb. I thought for a moment about balling it up between my fingers and shooting a ten-foot jumper into the wastebasket, but quickly I determined that the easiest means of disposing it would be to slap that sucker somewhere on the bin-bound Men’s Fitness. I also needed to sneak a final peek at the cleavage of the hottie on the back page, and while doing so decided that her right breast would be the perfect final resting place for the sticker. Oh, how amazed I was to learn that this sticker read “Made in China.” Now it says “Made in China” on her right boob: a bona fide corker!

WHY I’M ANGRY TODAY

God damn mid-March blizzards. How hateful!

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